Let it out. Let the love out.

Read this quote by Harvey Milk.

“Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.”

Ags thought this reminded her of me. I
Read it and thought “shit I better start getting out there and doing shit with my life or things will pass me by” so I’m gonna do that and my first experiment will be with .. Can I get a code name please …. Drum roll .. Bababbababababbabababa the boy. That’s what I’ve decided I’ll call him. The boy is my newest endeavor and that’s all I have on him. I think he’s pretty good so I can’t screw it up. I can’t screw this up

You know all those things you always wanted to do ?

You should go do them.

Senior Citizens Have Nothing on My Piece of Wisdom!

Tonight is one of those nights that I am just so over tired that I can’t sleep. So while I was texting Lolita tonight words of wisdom starting pouring out of me. I thought maybe there’s another soul out there that might be interest in my little piece of wisdom or at least someone who can’t sleep like me!

I mentioned the guy from TX that I met in a flurry amidst the series of unfortunate events that occurred the last month. I’ve nicknamed him Wesley from The Princess Bride because he always tells me “anything for you.” Those of you who know the movie know Wesley always said to Princess Buttercup, “as you wish” and he reminded me of that. Wait, you haven’t seen The Princess Bride? Go away, that’s just wrong!

Anyway back to my wisdom. I promise it’s coming but here’s a little groundwork for it…

Call it fate, call it right place at the right time but I just met you a couple hours ago, my last night in town, hey wouldn’t you know…oh wait that’s a country song! No seriously it is, Brett Eldridge – Beat of the Music. That’s really how it happened though his last night in town before he flew back to TX, unfortunately not to Houston, about 4 hours away. I think I also mentioned that we’ve been talking nonstop. Here’s what I’ve learned from talking with him amid my shiny bit of wisdom:

1. When you find the right person things you thought you couldn’t do or wouldn’t want, change

2. Having your partner also be your best friend is completely different from friends with benefits and it’s a real thing

3. Take the plunge every once in a while. You will either land on your feet or fall in a hole but you have great family and friends to pull you out of the hole if you do

Not too bad right? I feel this connection with Wesley even after meeting once and talking, texting and facetiming the rest. A connection that’s different from anything else I’ve experienced. He’s coming to visit the week after Thanksgiving and we are going to spend time together talking and exploring this connection. I’m really excited about his visit and even though a lot of people think it’s crazy, in the end I know what I feel inside.

Until next time night owls!
Bonnie

“Let your heart sweet heart be your compass when your lost,
And you should follow it wherever you may go.
When it’s all said and done you can walk instead of run,
‘Cause no matter what you’ll never be alone, never be alone.”
-Lady A

Want to feel better about your life? Read this…

I recently attended a luncheon where Phil Cooke, motivational speaker, philanthropist, etc. was the guest speaker. He was talking about how to get your message out successfully in a cluttered social world (not his words, mine). Phil did say something that really stuck with me, “People follow or like you because they want to know what it’s like to live in your shoes.” If that’s the case, I hope everyone has some good running shoes on to catch up on my life from the last few weeks.

Remember I told you my love life wasn’t just pathetic it was none existent? Well shortly after that and about 3 weeks ago my military wife friend and I decided last minute to go to our usual spot in downtown Charleston because we both had gotten our hair done and were feeling sassy (we both ended up with Auburn!). It was a good thing we decided to go because I met a very handsome, down-to-earth, funny guy. Sounds perfect right? He lives in Texas…womp womp! I decided that he was too awesome to let disappear so after asking Lolita if it was possible that we could be friends I decided that we could. I mean, I had always had that single guy friend that I could talk to about stuff and I hadn’t had one in a long time so this will be great. Not to bore you with all the details but we’ve been talking nonstop ever since and it’s hard not to start having feelings for someone that is so inline with you even if you have only met him once. He’s coming to visit in a few weeks and wants to take me out of a proper date and see how things go. I’m trying to be very realistic about the situation because of past experiences and the fact that he lives in TX, not even in Houston near Ags. I think there is a reason we were meant to meet, just not sure exactly what that reason is yet.

Moving up the time line to 2 weeks ago. My mom has been recovering from ankle surgery, nothing too serious, they repaired a torn tendon. The recovery has been pretty rough on her but she was getting through it and was looking forward to start physical therapy. One Saturday 2 weeks ago she wasn’t feeling well and thought she had caught pneumonia or something because her chest was really heavy and she was coughing a little. She went to what we call a “Doc in the Box” or Urgent Care and they did a chest x-ray and diagnosed her with bronchitis. Two days later, after she took her nightly bath, she passed out and fell on the floor. When she came to her heart rate was racing and she couldn’t catch her breath. She felt something wasn’t right and asked my dad to take her to the ER. I helped get them in the car, changed and followed them to the hospital. It turns out my mom had a pulmonary embolism, in real people’s terms a large blood clot in her chest where all the veins come together and disperse to the brain and heart. The most dangerous type of clot someone could have. She could have died! They quickly admitted her to the hospital and started her on blood thinners. My dad and I stayed with her in the hospital for 6 days taking turning staying overnight and during the day. It was very scary and it was exhausting. She came home on November 2nd which would have been my grandmother’s 83rd birthday. We all think my grandmother had something to do with mom coming home that day. Also that day, my aunt from NY, Agatha’s mom, came down to help us around the house and that was a huge surprise to my mom. She balled her eyes out and finally let the stress and anxiety from knowing she could have died out. My aunt cleaned our whole entire house when she got here and then again before she left 5 days later to make sure it was clean! I can’t thank her enough for doing that. My mom is on the mend now, she is using a walking boot to move around and is still on blood thinners. We are very thankful she is still with us and will even deal with her violent mood swings now that she can’t take hormone replacements for menopause anymore, yikes!

There is still a lot more to share with you from these past weeks but I have been sick this weekend due to pure exhaustion and need to rest. I’ll fill you in on my other aunt bringing up my long lost father from 7 years ago and my brother who is going through a very messy divorce right now that can’t seem to take his head out of his ass because it’s not a hat!

Hopefully you got a taste of what it’s been like living in my shoes the past few weeks and can forgive me for not posting any blogs recently.

Go take a nap now, I know I need one!

~Bonnie

Andiamo

To begin. Start at the top. 1,2,3. Ready, set, go. Cue the lights. Action! On your mark, get set, go! And there off!

All things that signify starting. But where do you go when you have not received the start invite? Or the “redo” button is broken? Starting is hard and starting over is even harder. But what happens when you’ve made it through starting over and you’re not sure you like it? People always say life is what you make it, but what if what you are making of it (which is the “best” you can at that moment) isn’t good enough or isn’t what you wanted ? How does one change that? How does time heal all when time isn’t always on your side? Why do distractions always find their way into your life and make you question your starting point?

I finally found my starting point and I’m unsure if it’s where I wanna be- if I want the same things anymore. It took forever to start over and be okay with where I am, But now I want start over not because I have to, but more because I want to, I want more from life. Figuring it out is supposed to be the fun part but I need a starting point, a sign ,a light at the beginning of the tunnel. Here’s to finding the light.

You know all those things you wanted to do?
You should go do them.

Be brave..

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don’t major in minor things. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”— Jackson Brown Jr.

 

This was just the motivation that I needed to start the day today.  I woke up to insane rain, thunder, and lightning this morning.  I also had to wake up early and get ready for a portion of an interview and go out in all the mess.  Part of me thought about calling and canceling the event but then I read this quote, I especially love the line “overnight success usually takes about fifteen years”  Good Lord almighty – 15 years?! Ain’t nobody got time for that!  So I decided to go out, do my thang with gusto, kick ass, and create my own success.  I’m still doing well working for myself.  I seem to be making more connections and see more opportunity on the rise.  I also finally found my passion for teaching again.  I am forever grateful for my 5th grade teacher who made me love school.  She was a tough B, there’s no doubt in that, but because of her I remember my 5th grade year like it was yesterday.  It so happens to be that I was actually in a 5th grade reading class yesterday – my dream job!  Although it was for four short hours, it was enough to get me going again and to keep on truckin.  Come December, I have 3 semesters left of grad school.  I found myself becoming lax in my schoolwork because I thought my passion was gone.  Wrong!  Here it is again, and back on track with my classwork.

On a better note – I cannot wait to soak up the sunshine and warm weather this weekend in San Antonio with the bf!  I can hear the river calling my name saying “Ags!  Come float me, 85 and sunny this weekend!”  SO that’s what we’re doing – floating the river, experiencing the Alamo, and hang out along the river walk.

On a serious note – I wish I was in SC with Bonnie and my aunt. It’s been a tough week, I realize how fragile and quick life can be, so after this realization it is time to live life to the fullest.

Xo

-Ags.

Krishna.

Become one with your inner senses. Become one with your intentions. Become one with yourself.

I started taking yoga. The practice of yoga is very different than what I thought. First off, I’m better than I thought. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to keep up – but with swift movements and focusing on my intention I am able to preform the poses well , not great, not perfect but well. I started on Monday and it was intense – warm vinyasa where the room is slightly heated and the poses and slow. Wednesday I took hot 26 where you do 26 different yoga poses for 1 min the first round and then repeat for 30 seconds. I’m really enjoying finding my inner peace because I know sometimes I am at the breaking point with my self whether it be about work, friends, boys, life in general it’s always nice to go and find what really is important . To be content with how your life is unfolding. I’m almost positive I will become a hard core yogi and with that try to find peace within every object living and non. Sometimes going out and trying new things is what you need to rejuvenate your body and more importantly your life .

You know all those things you wanted to do ?
You should go do them.

Kids will say the darnedest things

Welp, as promised, I did say once upon a time that I would keep you laughing with what my kids had to say while I was teaching, and so I’m sticking to it. As I have mentioned in previous posts, yes I did leave my teaching position back in September. I have gained two gems, who I have grown to love, and tutor them every week. On Monday I was working with one of my boys on rocks, metals, and things that are made from these metals. He had a homework sheet that required him to color all of the objects made from metal. I told him to tell me what he had to do and then he started. I glanced down to see where he was and I see him starting to color the picture of a cupcake.. I thought hmm, this kid is bright, we just talked about metals, what on earth is he thinking? So I asked “I see you’ve started to color the cupcake. Can I ask why?” And he responds very matter-of-factly “well, if you bake them for too long they’re hard as rocks.” It took everything in me to not burst out laughing. I knew at that point why I love kids so much. We then talked about expressions and so on. He found it quite humorous too.
Next up- back to my Starbucks rants. Still have the issue of people not knowing what the hell to order, still grinds my gears, but so be it. Today I’m at Starbucks and it’s in a nice neighborhood, catholic and private middle/high schools around and I walk into a sea of 12-16 year olds drinking lattes and having study sessions. Since when?! Since when do parents let their middle schoolers drink coffee and espresso?! I have no clue how it happened but I got out of there toot-sweet. These kids are cray.
Lastly, earlier this week I had to go get fingerprinted in order to get my TX teaching license. I had go to a facility with the names drug and alcohol in the name.. Absolutely petrifying. I walk into a sketchy, no named building only to have to sit in a waiting room with 10 chairs and 30 people. About 15 of them must have been some of Houston’s top crack whores, about 5 others were chewing gum as if they were on a cattle ranch, and the rest of us sat there uncomfortably, squished like sardines, trying not to breathe because the smell of the place was quite putrid. Glad that exhilarating experience is done and over with!

Anywho, onward and upward to tutoring I go! Hope I was able to give you a few chuckles for the day. After all it iS HuMP day! Enjoy.

-Ags

Being human.

I did it. Finally told some one on the team about operation brownie- she died, of laughter. Asked me what the hell I was thinking and a split second I thought about how I felt that whole week when I couldn’t look at my self in the mirror and I replied with “had to get laid brahhh” and it felt awesome.
How I know what you’re thinking bitch is harrrrrpin on old news- WRONGO ah today was the last game of kickball and we lost – didn’t make it to the championship nothin- awful terrible sad wow it was pathetic but in the end the other team wanted it more than we Did -we were so worried about that other game, we didn’t even take control of the one we were playing- my biggest fear however was answered; do I play again! Do they want me ! Who the f knows ! And they said I should sign up again – I made friends- I had sex with such a cutie it kills me a little- I played well – I played bad- in the end I had such a good time it can’t even describe it – the people were nice and friendly and made me feel a part of the team even when I didn’t feel like I was.
The summer of yes was in my opinion a success: Nashville (yes) Norman reedus( sexiest man alive) North Carolina (good ol southern family fun) kickball (heyyyyy yeah) and John Mayer (my all time favorite) beer Fest x2 (wooooo) and even a wine tasting (semi woo) I feel that just because I did all these things in one summer of being 25 that i was empowered – like I wanna live like that all the time: say yes all the time go places do shit be free all the things I ever wanted to do I should go and do. Become one with nature take a yoga class be someone’s someone make it worth my while
So as I think about all the time I wasted trying to be someone’s everything from now on I am my own biggest fan supporter lover fighter winner and taking this life on a real ride.. I wanna be something extraordinary I want my story to be adventurous and bold to be human and the only way I’m doing that is to get out there and be me

You know all those things to you wanted to do ?
You should go do them

Dad seeks husband for daughter

Must be attractive, Italian, well off, enjoys red wine, and expensive restaurants. Villa in Tuscany – a bonus. This is how my dad would start his ad for finding me a husband. He pretty much did just that but had the decency not to press submit. Don’t worry he still provided me with the Charleston Singles website address since I’m not having much luck on eHarmony. I wish I was joking…

I love my dad. I’ve even found myself being attractive to men with full beards like my dad.
Wait! Stop! It’s not an Oedipus complex because there are many qualities of my dad I don’t want my future husband to have. But that’s beside the point.

There are two things I have learned from this episode of Bonnie’s life. 1. I share entirely too much with my parents. 2. My dating life is less than pathetic, it’s non-existent!

“At the end of the day, Lord I pray, I have a life that’s good.” Lennon and Maisy

“It’s not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you soon because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting…”

It’s been a long and sappy morning after such an exciting weekend!

My parents came down on Friday for a long weekend.  Down here people do not, and I repeat, do NOT celebrate Columbus Day…. I guess the South does not think he’s all that important.  I like the man because in his honor we have spectacular sales at all of my favorite stores, 3 (sometimes 4) day weekends up North (not in the dirty South), and I get to spend time with some of my favorites.

So back when I was still teaching my parents planned to come down Friday-Monday morning.  Well, after I quit that job I thought it was going to be short and it certainly was, but it was totally worth it.

My father had not been down to Houston before this trip and he way beyond excited!  I think we had the countdown going from July 4th weekend since that was the last time we saw each other.  The bf came with me to pick them up and as soon as my parents saw me in the airport they started crying and hugging me like it had been about 10 years since we last spoke – we talk every single day whether it’s through a text, e-mail, or phone convo.  Anywho- que RAIN.  It didn’t rain all freakin week until their plane landed…. literally, I get the update on my phone that Flight ### has landed and the first of many raindrops hit the windows.

We made it to a plethora of bars, tried tons of new beer/food, saw the Downtown Aquarium which takes a whole whopping 30 minutes to walk through (LAME-O! Certainly is NO Charleston, SC aquarium – right Bonnie??).  After that it was STILL raining, so I sad hey, let’s go to a museum for a few and by then according to weather.com the rain was supposed to end.  We visit the Holocaust Museum – boy what a debbie downer that was! (Sorry mom, dad, and BF!).  Immediately went out after that to a bar where there was  HUGE Michigan State crowd – who know! Really, in Houston is a huge Michigan crown? okay – and I learned their team’s song after every touchdown.  Sunday we went to NASA and “Houston, we have a problem” was heard far too many times, yet I laughed at it every single time.

After this whole trip i realized a few things: my dad and me are the EXACT SAME PERSON.  We tell the same terrible jokes, have the exact same taste in beer, and have absolutely zero patience in life.  We laughed, we cried, and my dad gave me more hugs and kisses on the head in 3 short days that I think in the past 5 years of my life combined… not weird at all, right?  Oh well, he was excited to see me and didn’t care what we did entertainment wise.  What I learned about my mother: she needs to grow approximately 3 inches in height.  I felt bad for the woman, every place we went had bar stools/tables and she isn’t much taller that 5’4″?  She had to climb up and shimmy off of the chairs in order to be comfortable.

All in all – a great weekend filled with lots of laughs, mom’s homemade chicken parm (WITH leftovers), and fun memories.  It was a teary-eyed see you later at the airport at 600AM today, but I know it’s a quick 40 days until I am back in the good ole state of NY for Thanksgiving!

On the job front – we are starting to look pretty a-okay.  I am figuring out what I want to do, calling my shots, and slowly getting to a happy work/life medium.

More updates to come soon with costume Halloween parties, shrimp broils, and other exciting events to come!

 

Later

-Ags